Pregnancy is Pretty Cute

My wife is confident in herself. She doesn't obsess over weight; just wants to be healthy. She knows she's beautiful and amazing, and I'm quite glad to have married someone with a positive self-image. Pregnancy seems to frustrate women, not just because of the sometimes immediate and always growing discomfort and/or sickness, but because it re-shapes their bodies in a way they cannot control. I would say I understand, but of course I don't (as I am frequently reminded).

Pain, vomit, rib-kicking, bladder-squeezing and sleeplessness aside, I hope pregnant women know that they are pretty darn cute! I give you the following five proofs in no particular order:

5. A Gentle Snore - In a dream last week, I was on a covert mission at night, deep in the woods. Just outside the facility I was to enter for some dangerous, manly reason, I was waiting behind a tree. As I was scoping things out, I heard the growl of a dog behind me, slow and methodic. When I decided to make a run for it I woke up....The "growl" was coming from Hannah, gently snoring. I don't remember her snoring at all before pregnancy, and it's really cute. Plus, it means she's actually sleeping, which makes me happy.

4. The Pickup - I think it's fair to say that women start losing some agility as pregnancy wears on. I say 'some' because Hannah still takes daily walks, my mother-in-law ran 6mi pretty late into her first pregnancy, and I helped my mother move a piano across the room at -1 month. But I digress...Once a woman is up to 7 and 8 months, she can't just bend over and grab her shoe off the floor. Bending over requires careful balance as she must take into account a new center of gravity. Hannah looks very adorable when she has to squat and gently lean to pick something up. I help when I can though...for the record (though Hannah just said that might be a little generous. What can I say? It's just too cute not to watch sometimes! :)

3. The Bump - The baby bump is a status symbol. So many are aware of the difficulty of lugging that bump around that it demands an air of respect. Crowds part, parents smile, kids ask questions, and the father is proud, grateful. It's sad to hear a pregnant woman say she's 'gigantic' or 'huge' as if she had let herself gain 20lbs because, as my brother-in-law pointed out, she's really just 'great.'

2. Little Helplessnesses - I admit, I was a little on the 'what the?' side when Hannah first asked me to remove her socks. When I looked at her for confirmation that she had really just requested such a thing, and saw her sad little face, I had to chuckle a little.

1. 'Ma'am, your shirt is moving' - For Hannah it is pretty common place, and she often responds with a seemingly random "Hi baby! What's up?" to which I sometimes stupidely reply "huh?" Baby movements have been happening for 20 weeks now, but I'm still pretty excited every time I get to feel one. I love seeing Hannah push a knee or bum away from her ribs while reading, or seeing her belly lurch when our little dude has the hiccups.

Yeah, seeing Hannah pregnant has made me love her even more. Hopefully she thinks it's worth doing a few more times!

Car stupid

I have a 2000 Mazda Protege. It's about 85 in car years and has had several surgeries in its later years. I know about as much about fixing cars as I do about fixing the Hubble. That's why I call my buddy whenever there is something wrong with it, stand there while he works, and give him a nice "tip," as he calls it, when he's done.

When I watch him, I think..."it's not that complicated really. I've replaced a headlight by myself, not to mention filling up the tires and installing new windshield wipers. This is about the same, only with a socket wrench." Watching him fix my breaks, install an EGR valve, remove the entire manifold assembly chassis something-or-other with relative ease makes me feel like I could do it with some coaching.

Most recently, however, he changed my spark plugs, each of which is encased in a rubber tube with a metal coil deep inside of it. As he was switching them out and I stood by, dutifully watching and making sporadic conversation, he noticed one of those coils was broken and therefore not as long as the other spark plugs' coils. "It probably won't matter, but it might after awhile. Here's what you do," he said, "you just need to wad up a paper clip and push it down in there if the engine starts giving you trouble."

I looked at him blankly, trying to imagine myself loosening bolts with my little wrench and/or pliers..."So I just need to...ok" I said, nodding, acting like I was figuring it out in my head. A moment or two of worried silence passed. It won't be too hard. I had seen him take them out a couple of times now, and I saw the coil.

Then he said, "Should we see if it will be alright like it is now?"

I thanked whatever car gods may be. He removed the plug and "we" made sure the current would flow uninterrupted to light a spark. Only afterward did I realize how relieved I was. I felt a little ashamed, to be honest, at my total ineptness.

Maybe I should have welcomed the challenge. Maybe I would have done just fine...Or maybe I'm just car stupid.

Inception: Remembered

Last night I completed a second viewing of Inception (in two parts to extend the awesomeness...and because all weeknight viewings accompanied by 7.5 months of pregnancy have a hard stop of about 8:15pm...love you babe!). While the novelty wore off a smigeon, and the complexity seemed a bit more contrived, I still loved it. It was still gripping, and I had a new appreciation for diCaprio's performance. It got me thinking, where does Inception rate in my movie-watching history?

These are my top 5 movie theater experiences:

5. Batman Begins (2005) - As we all know, Batman is the coolest superhero, so when it's done well, it's AWESOME! After Tim Burton's version, all Batman-related movies might as well been directed by Lady GaGa, so while Begins didn't have the comic-booky feel that made Burton's Batman so great, this was so new and refreshing for a Batman movie it didn't matter. I was so pleasantly surprised with Christian Bale, villains were creepy. It is the best Batman I have ever seen.

4. Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (2001) - The anticipation is partly what made this so good. I remember how excited I was just from watching the trailers. Watching this in the theater I kept thinking, 'this is almost EXACTLY how I pictured this.' I could have watched another 2 hours of it.

3. Jurassic Park (1993) - My 11 yr old eyes had never seen special effects quite like it. Even watching it today, it's pretty impressive. Again, the anticipation factor with this movie was high, especially since I had to wait for my parents to decide whether it would be suitable for children under 13. Aside from the effects, there were 3 really memorable characters (Samuel L, Goldblum, dude-who-played-Nedry) and a lot of funny lines still heavily quoted in McMillan conversations...."Hold on to your butts....."

2. Star Wars: Episode I (1999) - I mention Episode I with some trepidation, for fear of losing credibility in my movie-buffness. I take this experience on the whole, before thinking too hard about JarJar or Samuel L Jedi: a) I was seeing Star Wars in a theater, which was a pretty legendary event for my parents' generation who was there at its inception, and now I got to be there for the next installment of Star Wars; and b) tell me the pod racing and the Darth Maul fight at the end didn't blow you away and have you leaving the theater saying "woah!" And while you think about that, think about this - when you first saw Episode I, you hadn't seen the next two yet. You didn't know. But I digress...on to my favorite.

1. INCEPTION (2010) - Who can say if it's because it is so fresh in my mind, but I honestly can't remember being so excited after the movie was over. It was like eating dessert for 148min and feeling GREAT! There are a few things outside the awesomeness of the film that made it especially good: a) I was on vacation with Hannah by VA Beach; b) I actually wasn't anticipating greatness. It looked like it could be cool, but so did a series of other movies I'd seen that summer (like The Lightning Thief); c) we only paid $6 in Chesapeake, VA.

So there you have it. In case you were wondering, Avatar was a close 103rd

Et tu, BYU?

My faithful readers (of which there are MANY) will remember my previous blasting of the University of Utah for leaving the Mountain West conference for the PAC-10. I thought it was a selfish move. The PAC-10 gives them a share of a nice multi-million dollar TV deal and chance at an automatic BCS bid (also a big money-maker). The college football fan in me wanted to see if the Mountain West could become a big boy conference with TCU, BYU, UofU and Boise St. But alas, Utah had to ruin it with their greedy ways!

******** OFFICIAL APOLOGY ********

This post is my official apology to my thousands of UofU readers (whom I admire for not sending any hate mail last time). I do not apologize for hating you because you left. That sentiment still remains. I do apologize for acting like the rest of the Mountain West was above your quest for more money. BYU is not. It has followed in footsteps I never would have expected...Notre Dame!

Apparently BYU wants to be independent for football, and go back to the WAC for all other sports...much like ND and the Big East. This way, BYU won't have to share any TV-deal revenue and will potentially be BCS-eligible if they are ranked high enough. There may be other reasons I don't know about, but it seems to be a move motivated by glory; "taking its talents to South Beach" if you will. It may not even happen, but the thought alone is killing me right now.

I guess it's just football, and this will give BYU some flexibility in scheduling and, with extra football money, they can give more scholarships to other sports and university programs (and stop asking me for money every month! Just kidding...I support supporting your alma mater). But it feels a little irresponsible. I thought BYU would be a little more family-oriented. I thought it would let patience and endurance guide its conscience. I thought it would show its determination, and team with its allies to rise above the tyranny of the BCS! I wanted BYU to draw a circle around itself with chalk and say, "I will not leave this circle until the MWC is a BCS conference. No, not ever!"

Oh well...

Special thanks to Lebron James, Outkast, and Karl G Maeser for their contributions

Metro Caste

From what I have observed in Washington DC, chivalry is in a coma. I do my best when I ride the metro, which isn't terribly often, to at least offer my seat to whatever lady shuffles her way near my seat. Sometimes it is an awkward exchange. Often the ambient noise is much louder than I anticipate and she can't hear me offer. Other times she straight-up declines, probably wanting to get her money's worth out of those Asics she has on if she's going to wear them with a skirt. Sometimes, if I don't offer my seat directly and clearly to woman, some dude will scurry over to it, avoiding eye contact with anyone, which is quite embarrassing to males everywhere.

I have gone so far as to ask a few women what they think about the issue. Honestly, the younger women don't seem to care as much. Some of the indifference, I believe, is not necessarily that they wouldn't like to be offered a seat, but because they accept things as they are: men just aren't as gentlemanly, so why worry about it. The rest I will chalk up to being a generation who doesn't need men for anything! So rot in that seat!

My inquiries have mostly been to younger women, who, again, don't seem to care. I got to thinking about this however, and ya know what? As I will prove in a moment, women under the age of 35 are pretty low on the Metro Caste anyway! For those who decide to give up your seat, I have put together a point system for any gentlemen left out there who may need a little help prioritizing...

Age:

18-35 = 2pts

36-55 = 5pts

56+ = 8pts

Note: You will of course, have to estimate. This is the one time in your life it will be smart to round up.

Shoes:

.5 point per inch

Carrying:

Purse: 0pts

Briefcase: weird

Backpack: 2pts

Carry-on: 3pts

5 pts for every large suitcase, unless she can sit on said suitcases

Mothers:

pregnant 0-5mo = 2pts (the only symptoms here will probably be nausea or exhaustion, which would warrant 2 pts anyway)

1 child = 6pts + 3pts each additional child (+ 5pts if crying)

pregnant 6-8mo = 8pts

pregnant 9mo = 12pts

Injury:

cast/sling = 2pts

boot = 6pts

crutches (no foot/leg cast) = 8pts

crutches with leg cast = 12 pts

walker = 8pts

wheelchair = 0pts

Relation:

Sister = 2pts

Mother = 1,000,000 pts

Wife = 1,000,001 pts

Wife's Mother = just get up and make your wife decide

Keep this with you at all times. Make sure to give extra priority to any senior ladies with a broken tibia in their third trimester!

Heated

Obviously it has been a while if I am still talking about Lebron, but I'm going to anyway. I have to weigh in, but I've had some mixed feelings on the subject. For help, I'm turning to Tevye. Remember when he froze time so he could consider all the pros and cons of a decision? I think it would help me to take a minute to decide how I really feel...

Should he have stayed in Cleveland? They didn't grab any free agents. Bosh wouldn't play there, they lost out on Amare and Boozer. Their team wasn't enough. His owner and GM had 7 years to put the right talent around him...

On the other hand...

Going to Miami seems like/DEFINITELY IS selling out. "The Decision," aside from subjecting America to the greatest display of narcissism I can remember, was painfully awkward for other reasons. Yes he was disappointing the entire state of Ohio, but maybe he felt the way most of us did--this seems really unfair; like a pickup game where the kid who brought the ball splits up the teams and, coincidentally, the three best players on the court end up on his team.

But on the other hand...

This has never been done before. It has probably never been a possibility. Were Jordan and Barkley ever free agents at the same time? If Jordan didn't

have Scottie Pippen, would he have stuck it out in Chicago? If he has a chance to team up with another top 3 and a top 15, maybe we should be excited to see what they can do.

On the other hand..

With Chris Bosh being thrown onto center stage,

we'll have to look at his StarWars-ian mug on SportsCenter for the next 6 years.

But, on the other hand...

Great players usually have 10, maybe 15 years of build-a-team-around-me talent, barring injury, to win a championship. Lebron has used 7 of those (6 if you want to throw out his rookie year). He probably has 8, maybe 9 years of being good enough to carry a team before he becomes Kevin Garnett (sans title). This is a smart thing for him to do. Besides, is it really that different from Kobe-Shaq or Magic-Kareem?

On the other hand...

Garnett, Pierce and Allen were 31, 30, and 32 at the start of the 07-08 season, and had played 12, 9, and 11 seasons, respectively. They have reached the finals twice, and have a title to show for it. Lebron (25), Wade (28), and Bosh (26) have each played 7 seasons. LBJ and Wade are two of the top 3 players in the NBA right now, which no one could say about KG and Pierce. Good luck living up to the hype. Should have held out for Chris Paul, Lebron!

I must, in the end, echo Tevye while he weighed Tzeitel's matchmaking(<--watch):

"They gave each other a pledge? Unheard of! Absurd!

They gave each other a pledge! Unthinkable!

But look at [these players'] faces. [They] love [this]. [They] want [this].

And look at [these players'] eyes; so hopeful......(sigh)....TRADITION!!!"

The Draft

I'll be on a Mexican vacation with my wonderful wife and her amazing family, so the Wimby and the World Cup and the start of the NBA free agency bonanza we can only hope lives up to the hype will have come and gone. I won't be thinking much about it on the beach, but I digress...a few comments:

NBA Draft

This year's NBA Draft was like any other--a whole lot of talk about outcomes of which we can never be certain. There were two players most think will make a splash, but as with most rookies going to mediocre teams, they might as well be a tulip planted in a desert, left alone to wither until more help arrives.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to see John Wall out here in DC, but I don't have high hopes for 2010-11 season. He'll make some plays, but who's he going to create for? Andray Blatche? (Ok, they have a few more pieces than that, but they mostly have a lot of B- players that used to be B+ or A- players)

What they ought to do with the draft (as I said on the air 6 weeks ago at 980AM...very impressive), is give the top pick to the team that just missed the playoffs, and picks 2-4 to the worst three teams. Why reward a team for tanking with 20 games to go so they get the #1 pick? Give the pick to a team that's a star away from being legitimate. Sure it might undeservedly reward an underachieving team, but wouldn't it make things interesting if Toronto, Houston, or Indiana had the chance to get a star to round out their rosters than teams like the Nets who have nothing but holes? Something to think about, Mr. Stern. Will you think about it?

Wimbledon

More on the state of tennis to come, but the only thing anyone can or should talk about thus far is John Isner and Nicolas Mahut, and the fifth set that made history. The thing I find most intriguing about the match is the second day, not because it went 7 hours without anyone breaking serve, or that it went so long, but the fact that round two of suspended matches rarely last long, and this one did...very long. It seems to me like whatever happens on day 1 of a suspended match, whatever rhythm or momentum each player has, is wiped clean for day two. The second day is up for whichever player can get in a rhythm first. I'm not saying it's no longer an equal playing field, but it may not be the outcome had lights been on.

With Isner and Mahut, they maintained that determination to win, for 7 hours, acing each other at record paces. One of the best matches ever.

That's all...have a great 4th of July!