Metro Caste

From what I have observed in Washington DC, chivalry is in a coma. I do my best when I ride the metro, which isn't terribly often, to at least offer my seat to whatever lady shuffles her way near my seat. Sometimes it is an awkward exchange. Often the ambient noise is much louder than I anticipate and she can't hear me offer. Other times she straight-up declines, probably wanting to get her money's worth out of those Asics she has on if she's going to wear them with a skirt. Sometimes, if I don't offer my seat directly and clearly to woman, some dude will scurry over to it, avoiding eye contact with anyone, which is quite embarrassing to males everywhere.

I have gone so far as to ask a few women what they think about the issue. Honestly, the younger women don't seem to care as much. Some of the indifference, I believe, is not necessarily that they wouldn't like to be offered a seat, but because they accept things as they are: men just aren't as gentlemanly, so why worry about it. The rest I will chalk up to being a generation who doesn't need men for anything! So rot in that seat!

My inquiries have mostly been to younger women, who, again, don't seem to care. I got to thinking about this however, and ya know what? As I will prove in a moment, women under the age of 35 are pretty low on the Metro Caste anyway! For those who decide to give up your seat, I have put together a point system for any gentlemen left out there who may need a little help prioritizing...

Age:

18-35 = 2pts

36-55 = 5pts

56+ = 8pts

Note: You will of course, have to estimate. This is the one time in your life it will be smart to round up.

Shoes:

.5 point per inch

Carrying:

Purse: 0pts

Briefcase: weird

Backpack: 2pts

Carry-on: 3pts

5 pts for every large suitcase, unless she can sit on said suitcases

Mothers:

pregnant 0-5mo = 2pts (the only symptoms here will probably be nausea or exhaustion, which would warrant 2 pts anyway)

1 child = 6pts + 3pts each additional child (+ 5pts if crying)

pregnant 6-8mo = 8pts

pregnant 9mo = 12pts

Injury:

cast/sling = 2pts

boot = 6pts

crutches (no foot/leg cast) = 8pts

crutches with leg cast = 12 pts

walker = 8pts

wheelchair = 0pts

Relation:

Sister = 2pts

Mother = 1,000,000 pts

Wife = 1,000,001 pts

Wife's Mother = just get up and make your wife decide

Keep this with you at all times. Make sure to give extra priority to any senior ladies with a broken tibia in their third trimester!