Et tu, BYU?

My faithful readers (of which there are MANY) will remember my previous blasting of the University of Utah for leaving the Mountain West conference for the PAC-10. I thought it was a selfish move. The PAC-10 gives them a share of a nice multi-million dollar TV deal and chance at an automatic BCS bid (also a big money-maker). The college football fan in me wanted to see if the Mountain West could become a big boy conference with TCU, BYU, UofU and Boise St. But alas, Utah had to ruin it with their greedy ways!

******** OFFICIAL APOLOGY ********

This post is my official apology to my thousands of UofU readers (whom I admire for not sending any hate mail last time). I do not apologize for hating you because you left. That sentiment still remains. I do apologize for acting like the rest of the Mountain West was above your quest for more money. BYU is not. It has followed in footsteps I never would have expected...Notre Dame!

Apparently BYU wants to be independent for football, and go back to the WAC for all other sports...much like ND and the Big East. This way, BYU won't have to share any TV-deal revenue and will potentially be BCS-eligible if they are ranked high enough. There may be other reasons I don't know about, but it seems to be a move motivated by glory; "taking its talents to South Beach" if you will. It may not even happen, but the thought alone is killing me right now.

I guess it's just football, and this will give BYU some flexibility in scheduling and, with extra football money, they can give more scholarships to other sports and university programs (and stop asking me for money every month! Just kidding...I support supporting your alma mater). But it feels a little irresponsible. I thought BYU would be a little more family-oriented. I thought it would let patience and endurance guide its conscience. I thought it would show its determination, and team with its allies to rise above the tyranny of the BCS! I wanted BYU to draw a circle around itself with chalk and say, "I will not leave this circle until the MWC is a BCS conference. No, not ever!"

Oh well...

Special thanks to Lebron James, Outkast, and Karl G Maeser for their contributions

Metro Caste

From what I have observed in Washington DC, chivalry is in a coma. I do my best when I ride the metro, which isn't terribly often, to at least offer my seat to whatever lady shuffles her way near my seat. Sometimes it is an awkward exchange. Often the ambient noise is much louder than I anticipate and she can't hear me offer. Other times she straight-up declines, probably wanting to get her money's worth out of those Asics she has on if she's going to wear them with a skirt. Sometimes, if I don't offer my seat directly and clearly to woman, some dude will scurry over to it, avoiding eye contact with anyone, which is quite embarrassing to males everywhere.

I have gone so far as to ask a few women what they think about the issue. Honestly, the younger women don't seem to care as much. Some of the indifference, I believe, is not necessarily that they wouldn't like to be offered a seat, but because they accept things as they are: men just aren't as gentlemanly, so why worry about it. The rest I will chalk up to being a generation who doesn't need men for anything! So rot in that seat!

My inquiries have mostly been to younger women, who, again, don't seem to care. I got to thinking about this however, and ya know what? As I will prove in a moment, women under the age of 35 are pretty low on the Metro Caste anyway! For those who decide to give up your seat, I have put together a point system for any gentlemen left out there who may need a little help prioritizing...

Age:

18-35 = 2pts

36-55 = 5pts

56+ = 8pts

Note: You will of course, have to estimate. This is the one time in your life it will be smart to round up.

Shoes:

.5 point per inch

Carrying:

Purse: 0pts

Briefcase: weird

Backpack: 2pts

Carry-on: 3pts

5 pts for every large suitcase, unless she can sit on said suitcases

Mothers:

pregnant 0-5mo = 2pts (the only symptoms here will probably be nausea or exhaustion, which would warrant 2 pts anyway)

1 child = 6pts + 3pts each additional child (+ 5pts if crying)

pregnant 6-8mo = 8pts

pregnant 9mo = 12pts

Injury:

cast/sling = 2pts

boot = 6pts

crutches (no foot/leg cast) = 8pts

crutches with leg cast = 12 pts

walker = 8pts

wheelchair = 0pts

Relation:

Sister = 2pts

Mother = 1,000,000 pts

Wife = 1,000,001 pts

Wife's Mother = just get up and make your wife decide

Keep this with you at all times. Make sure to give extra priority to any senior ladies with a broken tibia in their third trimester!